However, I recently received this email from a friend and I think it makes some brilliant points. I shall now reproduce it here for your enjoyment along with my (witty?) comments in red. Enjoy.
Random Thoughts of the Day:
o I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. Haha, as someone from Norfolk this is TOTALLY understandable. Especially for night driving...
o More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think
about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own
story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me. And I feel like a schmuck for doing so. Oh well.
o Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
you're wrong. NEVER ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG!!!
o I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to
have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks
when they've invented the lighter? True, true, but I really DON'T need to drink to have fun. I am not drunk! I am just a big, loud, friendly person by nature...
o Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're
going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be
going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction
from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or
phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no
one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching
directions on the sidewalk. Haha, yeah... I always have to say something. I feel like an idiot turning around and going in the opposite direction.
o I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
younger. YES!
o The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This
recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be
ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again. Meh, never had this problem before thankfully...
o Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix
the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to
fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just
figured it out. Today's kids are soft. They ARE!
o There is a great need for sarcasm font. I concur.
o Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first saw
it. Depends on the movie. I could've known what was going on at the time, but now all the little nuances I didn't notice before come leaping out at me...
o I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually
becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90
minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the
right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a
millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really
gets it. Sorta...
o How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? It's infuriating!
o I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. Always...
o I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your
computer history if you die. Ummm, maybe?
o The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to
finish a text. Bad driver! Bad!!
o A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the
spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it. Well, as a non-beer-pong player, I wouldn't know.
o Was learning cursive really necessary? Exactly! Do I ever really use it anymore? Noooo....
o Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to
say". Haha, yeah. Well actually, it has spawned its own laughing-related language really...
o I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger. And it's BAD for me...
o Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron
test is absolutely petrifying. Oh it is! It iiiiiis!
o My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads.
Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about
the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro. Meh.
o Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I
hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart". Yep. It's so retarded.
o How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and
smile because you still didn't hear what they said? Happens to me all the time. I feel so stupid going "What? What?" but I have no clue what they just said to me!
o I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to
prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers! Yeeee.
o While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
instinctively swerved to avoid it....thanks Mario Kart. Ummm, no. Even if I have currently lost my driving mojo.
o MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood. Haha, yes! And the whole "Turn Northwest onto ____ Street." Ummm, sorry, I left my compass back with the scouting party...
o Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died. But that might just make them more depressing...
o I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
shower first and THEN turn on the water. Yeah, especially because the first few seconds the shower is on it's COLD water no matter what...
o Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever. Haha, yeah.
o I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. It's absolutely ridiculous (see anecdote about napping)
o Bad decisions make good stories And sometimes even good decisions make good stories...
o Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the
Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do! Ohhhh, it's soooo fun! Especially with friends at 1 in the morning...
o If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would
probably just be completely invisible. Haha, I never thought of that.
o Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a
problem.... It's so weird!
o You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive
for the rest of the day. Yeah...
o Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want
to have to restart my collection. This is true. It'd save like, millions of dollars...
o There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. This only happened to me once (that I can clearly remember) and I wasn't even leaning back in a chair. I was trying to sit on a stool.
o I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if
I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did
not make any changes to. It's awful...
o "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever. Well, I've had two garments that said "Dry Clean Only" that I chucked in the washing machine. No harm done.
o I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching
TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I
keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a
matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be
friends after this?' Nice.
o While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China
and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when
Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed. Come to think about it...
o I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to
voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? This one made me weak when I read it... But it's so true!
o I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing
anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. Omigod! Yes! It's like, "I spent 10 extra minutes on my hair this morning and who'd I see? Nobody!"
o When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she
hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet
stalking. New people in general...
o I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then
I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes. This is soooo true! It's funny. I'll be like "Skip, skip, skip, SKIP, finally!"
o Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed
for pedophiles... Good point.
o As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but
no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. Ohhhh, cyclists! And skateboarders!
o Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is. Yep.
o It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood. This is an excellent point...
o I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call. Haha, yep. And so do people I know... =)
o I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I
find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact
that I was not aware of my condition in college. Me personally? Uhhhh, I think it'll be immaterial if things continue in the fashion that they are.
o Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to
with it. I think I might but yeah...
o Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys
in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -
but I'd bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet
away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time... Usually I've gotta smack at it a couple times but yeah...
o My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would
happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the h*ll do I respond to that? Ummmm...
o It really pi$$es me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the
link takes me to a video instead of text. Yep. No, I don't want to WATCH it, where's the STORY!?
o I wonder if cops ever get pi$$ed off at the fact that everyone they
drive behind obeys the speed limit. Haha, yeah... But I've had some cops actually pass me a few times...
o I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Bud Lights than with Kay. Mmmm, yeah. Probably.
o The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw
they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone
at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then
estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a
large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like
being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner. Ohhh, sadness.
o I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. Haha, as someone from Norfolk this is TOTALLY understandable. Especially for night driving...
o More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think
about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own
story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me. And I feel like a schmuck for doing so. Oh well.
o Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
you're wrong. NEVER ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG!!!
o I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to
have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks
when they've invented the lighter? True, true, but I really DON'T need to drink to have fun. I am not drunk! I am just a big, loud, friendly person by nature...
o Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're
going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be
going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction
from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or
phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no
one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching
directions on the sidewalk. Haha, yeah... I always have to say something. I feel like an idiot turning around and going in the opposite direction.
o I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
younger. YES!
o The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This
recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be
ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again. Meh, never had this problem before thankfully...
o Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix
the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to
fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just
figured it out. Today's kids are soft. They ARE!
o There is a great need for sarcasm font. I concur.
o Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first saw
it. Depends on the movie. I could've known what was going on at the time, but now all the little nuances I didn't notice before come leaping out at me...
o I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually
becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90
minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the
right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a
millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really
gets it. Sorta...
o How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? It's infuriating!
o I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. Always...
o I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your
computer history if you die. Ummm, maybe?
o The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to
finish a text. Bad driver! Bad!!
o A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the
spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it. Well, as a non-beer-pong player, I wouldn't know.
o Was learning cursive really necessary? Exactly! Do I ever really use it anymore? Noooo....
o Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to
say". Haha, yeah. Well actually, it has spawned its own laughing-related language really...
o I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger. And it's BAD for me...
o Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron
test is absolutely petrifying. Oh it is! It iiiiiis!
o My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads.
Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about
the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro. Meh.
o Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I
hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart". Yep. It's so retarded.
o How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and
smile because you still didn't hear what they said? Happens to me all the time. I feel so stupid going "What? What?" but I have no clue what they just said to me!
o I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to
prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers! Yeeee.
o While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
instinctively swerved to avoid it....thanks Mario Kart. Ummm, no. Even if I have currently lost my driving mojo.
o MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood. Haha, yes! And the whole "Turn Northwest onto ____ Street." Ummm, sorry, I left my compass back with the scouting party...
o Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died. But that might just make them more depressing...
o I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
shower first and THEN turn on the water. Yeah, especially because the first few seconds the shower is on it's COLD water no matter what...
o Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever. Haha, yeah.
o I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. It's absolutely ridiculous (see anecdote about napping)
o Bad decisions make good stories And sometimes even good decisions make good stories...
o Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the
Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do! Ohhhh, it's soooo fun! Especially with friends at 1 in the morning...
o If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would
probably just be completely invisible. Haha, I never thought of that.
o Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a
problem.... It's so weird!
o You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive
for the rest of the day. Yeah...
o Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want
to have to restart my collection. This is true. It'd save like, millions of dollars...
o There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. This only happened to me once (that I can clearly remember) and I wasn't even leaning back in a chair. I was trying to sit on a stool.
o I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if
I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did
not make any changes to. It's awful...
o "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever. Well, I've had two garments that said "Dry Clean Only" that I chucked in the washing machine. No harm done.
o I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching
TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I
keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a
matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be
friends after this?' Nice.
o While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China
and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when
Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed. Come to think about it...
o I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to
voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? This one made me weak when I read it... But it's so true!
o I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing
anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. Omigod! Yes! It's like, "I spent 10 extra minutes on my hair this morning and who'd I see? Nobody!"
o When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she
hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet
stalking. New people in general...
o I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then
I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes. This is soooo true! It's funny. I'll be like "Skip, skip, skip, SKIP, finally!"
o Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed
for pedophiles... Good point.
o As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but
no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. Ohhhh, cyclists! And skateboarders!
o Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is. Yep.
o It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood. This is an excellent point...
o I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call. Haha, yep. And so do people I know... =)
o I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I
find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact
that I was not aware of my condition in college. Me personally? Uhhhh, I think it'll be immaterial if things continue in the fashion that they are.
o Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to
with it. I think I might but yeah...
o Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys
in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -
but I'd bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet
away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time... Usually I've gotta smack at it a couple times but yeah...
o My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would
happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the h*ll do I respond to that? Ummmm...
o It really pi$$es me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the
link takes me to a video instead of text. Yep. No, I don't want to WATCH it, where's the STORY!?
o I wonder if cops ever get pi$$ed off at the fact that everyone they
drive behind obeys the speed limit. Haha, yeah... But I've had some cops actually pass me a few times...
o I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Bud Lights than with Kay. Mmmm, yeah. Probably.
o The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw
they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone
at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then
estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a
large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like
being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner. Ohhh, sadness.
